The Absolute Bottom 50...


  1. Charlotte's Web of Lies & Deceit
  2. Charlie and the Third World Nike Factory
  3. Harry Potter and the Little Actor Who'll Grow up to Become a Bitter, Coked-Up Has-Been
  4. The Indian-Giving Tree
  5. Alice's Adventures in Caesar's Palace Hotel & Casino
  6. The Littlest Anarchist's Cookbook
  7. Clifford the Big Red Dog Suffers a Gigantism-Induced Myocardial Infarction
  8. Ali Baba and the 1,000 Arab Stereotypes
  9. Babar, the Ivory Coat Rack
  10. The Boy Scouts' Queer Bludgeoning Handbook
  11. Kermit the Frog and the Hot Skillet of Foaming Butter
  12. Shel Silverstein's Silly Poems about Anal Sex
  13. No One Really Loves Fat Girls - by Judy Blume
  14. Dr. Seuss's The Grinch Who Was Slightly Apathetic About Presidents' Day
  15. The Little Train Who Couldn't, But It's Okay Because It Happens to Every Train Once in Awhile
  16. Pus in Boots
  17. Little Red in Da Hood
  18. John Wayne Gacey, the Silly Clown Who Murders Children Who Don't Listen to Mommy
  19. Tales of a Fourth Grade Gas Huffer
  20. Jack & the Gnarly-Ass Bean Burrito
  21. Snow White and the Seven Intoxicated Mexicans
  22. All God's Creatures Are Emotionally Unavailable
  23. A Hydroponically Cultivated Weed Grows in Brooklyn
  24. Sleeping Nasty Ho Knocked Out on Roofies
  25. Hansel and Gretel and Hansel's Special Friend Sven
  26. The Hungry, Hungry Sorority Anorexic
  27. Where the Evildoers Are - by George W. Bush
  28. Peter Panhandler and the Wendy's Night Manager
  29. Danny and the Rabid Flesh-Eating Dinosaur
  30. Harriet the Stalker
  31. Dick and Jane Spread a Paste Made from Poisonous Plants on Raw Steaks Cut from the Family Cat, Eat said Steaks/Paste, and Vomit for a Week
  32. The Dumpster Divin' Kids
  33. Larry the Leper Needs a Hand
  34. Stillborn Sammy's Day at the Park
  35. Wash Your Hands or Die of Anthrax
  36. Ninety-Nine Horny Blue Men in Tight White Pants: Smurfette's Confessions
  37. Winnie the Bear-Shaped Lump of Talking Excrement
  38. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Soup for the Soul
  39. The Preschool of Dr. Moreau
  40. The Story of Spike: Ferdinand's Non-Faggy Cousin
  41. The Anthropomorphized Sock that Was Burned Alive in the Sink Because it Talks! It Talks!
  42. Nancy Drew and the Mysterious Case of Recurring Crabs
  43. Journey to the Centre of Trenton, New Jersey
  44. The Adventures of Grandma Crazy Diapers!
  45. The Rubber Ducky is Watching You
  46. Are You There God? It's Me, Hitler
  47. Richard Scarry's Busiest Mortician Ever
  48. Dr. Suess's Green Eggs and Son of Sam
  49. The Lion, the Witch and the Gloryhole
  50. Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Dismembered Hustler