The Absolute Bottom 50...


  1. The Amazing Adventures of Rod Johnson and Virginia Von Snatchworth
  2. Trolling the Bus Station
  3. Sanding the Bunion
  4. Thumping the Flesh Sculpture
  5. Staying Late for Extra Credit in Math
  6. Wearing Tight Wet Jeans While Watching "Mary Poppins"
  7. Decking the Prostate with Boughs of Jolly
  8. Tooling Around in the Golf Cart With Ed Begley, Jr.
  9. Alphabetizing the Coupons
  10. Crying Havoc and Letting Slip the Dogs of Cock
  11. Churning the Lap Mucus
  12. Disciplining the Cabin Boy
  13. Giving the Mime a Reach-Around
  14. Basting the Pork Loin
  15. Filling the Emotional Void
  16. Kneading the Loaf
  17. Exhuming John Denver's Corpse
  18. Dancing the Llama
  19. The Vulcan Groin Meld
  20. Paying the Visa Bill
  21. Convening the Subcommittee
  22. Dreaming in Fucknicolor
  23. Hieronymus Boff
  24. Leaving a 90% Tip
  25. Feasting at Fatburger
  26. A Little Bit of the In and Out and Smoke a Cig, and then More In and Out, and then a Wet Smack and Some More In and Out, and then Shut Up I'm Trying to Sleep
  27. Doing the Doug Llewelyn
  28. Probing the Corruption
  29. The Dog & Bony Show
  30. Impersonating Daddy
  31. Fire in the Hole!
  32. Shopping for Turtlenecks
  33. Defragging the Hard Drive
  34. Rubbin' the Nubbin'
  35. Dejeuner Sur L'herbe
  36. Docking the Hovercraft
  37. Hip-Wading through the Sushi Bog
  38. Boosting the Welfare Check
  39. Scoring Tickets to Siegfried & Roy
  40. Flensing the Humpback
  41. Nuking the Toaster Strudel
  42. Getting Ready for Bed
  43. Bobbing for Thong
  44. Making Puppies
  45. Forsaking the Ministry
  46. Making the Most of Recent Layoffs
  47. Fasting for Ramadong
  48. Caulking & Spackling
  49. Parking the Winnebago
  50. Partita for Solo Beaver in A Minor