The Absolute Bottom 50...


  1. Wallow: The Unabridged Exploration of Unfairness in the Universe
  2. Title TBD: Fighting Procrastination and Stuff
  3. Pretending To Heal The Shame That Binds You
  4. Teddy, I Have A Headache: Saying No to Libidinous Plushies
  5. You Still Tha Phreaky Bomb-Diggity: Coddling Your Hip-Hop One Hit Wonder
  6. How To Alienate Friends And Annoy People
  7. Farewell Crusty Keyboards: Breaking the Cycle of Internet Sex Addiction
  8. The Courage to Sniff Thongs
  9. Feeling Good About Being A Fat, Ugly Moron
  10. Hands Off Our Package!: Coping With Your Incestuous Conjoined Twin
  11. Sweat the Small Stuff: Embracing the Wisdom of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
  12. Staying Clean: The Super Fun World of Puzzles, Bingo, and Endless Apologies
  13. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Sociopaths
  14. My District is Huge: How To Score With Capitol Hill Interns
  15. The Art Of Faking Happiness
  16. I'm Heavily Medicated, How Are You?
  17. 101 Ways To Bat Your Eyelashes And Giggle Like A Child-like Idiot
  18. What Else Is There? The Secret to a Loving Loveless Marriage
  19. She Wants It Bad: Convincing Women to Look Past Your Inherent Detestability
  20. After The Affair: Never Letting Go of His Cheating Nuts
  21. Past Lives, Future Healing: The Benefits of Avoiding Today
  22. The Complete Idiot's Guide to Lining the Pockets of Opportunistic Publishers
  23. Who The Fuck Spilled Paint In The Garage? Acknowledging and Ignoring Your Violent Temper
  24. 101 Ways to Envy Your Friend's Transformed Life
  25. The Unbearable Pain Of Failure: The Sequel To The Best Selling "Thinking Big: The Key To Personal Power"
  26. Don't Have Children And Take Care Of Your Bowels: Lessons My Granny Taught Me
  27. Instant Popularity: The Leg Spreadin' Way
  28. I'm Okay. You're Okay. Everything's OKAY, Okay? Get Off My Goddamned Back For Once?!
  29. Dianetics: Peace and Success Through Closeted Hollywood Stardom & Tithing
  30. Escaping The Bacon Spiral
  31. Chicken Soup For The Disgruntled and Homicidal Postal Worker's Soul
  32. Men Are From Mars, Women Have No Penis
  33. What The Shell: Looking Inward And Staying There
  34. Self Help Help – The Definitive Guide to Personal Improvement Literature
  35. Drinking A Fifth And Smacking Yourself In The Head With A Hammer: Winning Strategies for Communicating With the Dead
  36. Exploiting The Emotional Pornographer Within: Steven Spielberg's Recipe For Success
  37. Like, Boundaries: I am NOT a Cock Tease
  38. Love Is Letting Go of "Your Good Female Buddy Who Just Happens to Work at a Strip Club"
  39. The Drill: Redundantly Re-Igniting the Passion
  40. Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned from the Moonies
  41. Unleash Your Inner Post-Apocalyptic Mutant Biker!
  42. Mine All Mine: Contesting Your Wealthy Relatives' Last Wills & Testaments
  43. Lip Service: Success Tips For Actresses
  44. Bad To The Last Cup: Fighting the Coffee Colonic Addiction
  45. Too Loud, Too Big, Too Dirty, Too Hairy: Survival Tips for the Sensory Defensive Maximum Security Cellmate
  46. Go 2 Bed J – Parenting With Post-its
  47. It's Not Love, It's Just a Handjob
  48. Emotional Irrelevance: Why Nobody Cares About Your Feelings
  49. Pour Me Another: Cementing Dysfunction in Co-Dependent Relationships
  50. Auto-Lobotomization for Dummies