The Absolute Bottom 50...


  1. Tibetan monks are hung like Clydesdales.
  2. Bald people are always converting temperatures into Kelvin.
  3. Crippled lesbians are vindictive cheats.
  4. Czechs are the Alabamans of Europe.
  5. "Shy" people are only quiet because they have toxic halitosis.
  6. Lawyers almost always marry hookers.
  7. Most transvestites are harmonica prodigies.
  8. Puerto Ricans are not morning people.
  9. Albino chicks all French-inhale Marlboro Lights.
  10. Sikhs hide hard-boiled eggs in their turbans.
  11. Short people are perpetually constipated.
  12. Plumbers know nothing of the human soul.
  13. The Chinese almost never urinate.
  14. Retarded people are major kleptomaniacs.
  15. Yankees talk like they got assholes tight as possum pussy.
  16. Unless you hide it, obese people WILL EVEN EAT SOAP.
  17. Archaeologists just make shit up as they go along.
  18. Hungarians are descended from gibbons.
  19. Pashtuns make dismal hedge fund analysts.
  20. Not only do Iowans never floss — they don't even have a word in their language for floss.
  21. Single welfare mothers have atrocious taste in dessert wines.
  22. Dead people are lousy kissers.
  23. Italians are gay.
  24. Most UPS drivers are paroled rapists.
  25. Blondes have more fun, and their farts smell like angel food cake.
  26. The Irish are born pre-circumcised.
  27. Wookies use Propecia.
  28. Hasidic Jews all wear glitter toenail polish.
  29. Actors use handjobs for currency.
  30. American Indians make the BEST cotton candy.
  31. Kindergarten teachers hate white people.
  32. Canadians, while excellent tree climbers, have no sense of direction or purpose.
  33. Hemophiliacs are total drama queens.
  34. Ku Klux Klansmen are very fussy eaters.
  35. Trombonists invariably have at least one undescended testicle.
  36. Muslims are just jealous of Vatican City.
  37. Slovaks mate in hay.
  38. Cancer patients have amazing pity sex.
  39. Celebrities were all molested as children.
  40. Jersey guys secrete hair gel.
  41. Germans love bronze statues with erections.
  42. Seventh graders are always hallucinating stuff.
  43. Homosexuals sunburn really easily.
  44. Nigerians have chronic toejam.
  45. Divorced chicks can't get enough… Wheel of Fortune!
  46. Black people drink their own saliva.
  47. Filipinos are partially immune to gravity.
  48. Ethiopians are really good at starving.
  49. Koreans have blowholes.
  50. People in comas are racist assholes.