The Absolute Bottom 50...


  1. Masked Mormon vs. The Sluttress
  2. The Average Avenger vs. The Nefarious Pat of Butter
  3. Madame Kick-Ass vs. The Iron Nose
  4. Kid Tantrum vs. The Self-Important Bohemian
  5. Team MENSA Blimp vs. Fantasy Ferret
  6. Jellyfish Monkeyboy vs. The Silver Scooter
  7. Lukewarm Justice vs. Doctor Depress-o
  8. Emperor NAMBLA vs. Leotard Boy
  9. The Guy Who Beats People to a Bloody Pulp vs. Tito!
  10. Mister Mixed Drinks vs. The Betty Ford Defender
  11. Captain Looks-and-Acts-Like-Woody-Allen Man vs. The Flush
  12. The Human Spurt vs. Gonorrhea Gal
  13. Larva Lad vs. Monsignor Masturbato
  14. Captain Comb-over vs. The Midnight Schmuck
  15. Commander Clitoris vs. The Phantom Accessorizer
  16. Prince Fey vs. Asthma Dog
  17. Commander Low-Fat Diet vs. Mr. Delicious Sausage
  18. Captain Oh-Why-Do-I-Fucking-Bother vs. Girl Who Cries
  19. The Creeping Crib Death vs. Tax Man
  20. Old Curmudgeon vs. Da Rapmasta
  21. The Sticky Philatelist vs. Dust Devil
  22. Dot Communist vs. The Purple Wussie
  23. Hooker With a Heart of Justice vs. Max Halitosis
  24. The Passive Aggressor vs. Rabbi Fantastic
  25. Minority Blind Guy vs. The Uppity Maître D’
  26. The Nauseator vs. The Pudgy Medievalist
  27. Bovine Growth Hormone Man vs. The Invisible Screenwriter
  28. Line Dancer vs. The Sanctimonious Prick
  29. Wrinklehound vs. Goiter Boy
  30. Madame Thunder Thighs vs. The Over-Reactor
  31. El Loco Nacho vs. The Witty Retort
  32. Toll Booth Tommy vs. The Pithy Gadfly
  33. Pre-Menstrual Girl vs. Gay Mark's Super Crisis
  34. Promise Keeper vs. The Cystic Acne Invader
  35. Yes-Man vs. The Naughtiest Do-Gooder
  36. Baby Wetshimself vs. PaperCutz
  37. Cardinal Cornhole vs. The Ethnic Cleanser
  38. Exuberant Dairy Farmer vs. The Unauthorized Biographer
  39. The Sexually Transmitted Defender vs. Dr. Please
  40. Cincinnati Charlie vs. The Green Spittoon
  41. Brooding Righteousness vs. The Flaming Wonton
  42. Formal Complaint vs. The Androgynous Homophobe
  43. Ambulance Chaser vs. Cous-Cous Commander
  44. De-Clawed Kitty vs. Corporate Facilitator
  45. General Insults-Your-Mother vs. The Wig
  46. Amazing Pimple vs. The Blue Corpse
  47. Rib Tickler vs. The Crabs Master
  48. The Acid Indigestionary vs. Nixon's Poltergeist
  49. The Amazing Lawn Gnome vs. Lewd Remark Catapult
  50. Stigmata Jimmy vs. The Scab-Picker