CONDIMENT OR DUDE SPLOOGE?

Dude, it's a totally rough freak-out we've all experienced: you're stumbling to the pisser after a long night of partying down, and you totally wipe out after slipping in a funky little puddle of mystery spunk. What was it? Harmless rancid condiment, or nasty-assed pre-crusty dude splooge? To find out if you've got the eye to stear clear of random DNA jelly, rock with the kickin' quiz below!

1. Is it just Filet-0-Fish goop, or did some bro get his jizz percolators curb-stomped at last night's charity fag hunt?

Which is it, hoss?
2. Man, this could be custard. Or, like, has Stan "The Gland" (Beta Theta Pi '06) been cranking his joystick for shits and giggles?

What say you, dudicle?
3. Schools make us let ethnics join up now – so like, is this some kind of Asian tofu sauce, or Wang-Hu chinky tadpoles?

Take your pick, bro:
4. OK, either "Skipper" dripped mayo from one of his stoner bologna and spaghetti sandwiches, or he beat meat. Or both!

Call it like you see it, dog: