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AMMO 101: IT'S STOPPING POWER, STUPID!

THIS MONTH: WINCHESTER'S "BLACK TALON"

Hey Kids! Welcome back to AMMO 101 - where we learn everything there is to know about bullets. You know bullets - they're the cute little fellas that fit snug and secure in the chamber of your firearm, where they stand eternally ready to do your ultra-destructive bidding! Who could ask for anything more?

We hope you enjoyed last month's introduction to the joys of 155mm Anti-Tank Artillery, and that you've been lucky enough to find a stealthy (and well-stocked!) dealer in your area.

This month, we're taking a look at the Winchester Black Talon (AKA "Ranger Talon," "Ranger SXT," and "Supreme Ultimate Fail-Safe"). Simply put, this is some damned fine fire power! If Jesus himself were packing heat, rest assured it would be loaded with these magnificent rounds. Why is that, you ask? Well aside from the fact that despite the girly long hair, Jesus ain't no pussy - and he'd want ammo specially and painstakingly designed to cause unparalleled damage to human flesh! Want proof? Let's consider the following hypothetical scenario...

Pretend you and your friends are clowning around in the playground after a grueling day of enduring pinko liberal verbal diarrhea spewing forth from the mouth of some diseased homo intellectual teacher. In the morning, you had stowed your weapons beneath nearby shrubbery before arriving on campus, and now you're ready for your daily after-school round of live-fire Capture the Flag. Now while you're engaged in this harmless diversion, let's imagine that a small platoon of heavily-armed Arab terrorists arrives on the scene, intent on carrying out a ritualistic mass suicide bombing which will effectively decimate both the school and a surrounding 4 block radius blast zone. To make things even more difficult, said Arabs are sporting the latest in space-aged kevlar soft armor. It's up to YOU and your friends to diffuse this threat to Norman Rockwell Democracy - so what ammunition do you want in that weapon of yours??!!

Well, to start with, you're going to want to assume that your bullets must expand reliably (no matter what your targets are wearing), still clearing a minimum of eight to ten inches of flesh. This will ensure adequate penetration to make contact with the primary life-giving organs of those OPEC bastards.

At this point, it might be useful to review once again the four primary components of projectile wounding:

  • Penetration
  • Temporary Cavity
  • Permanent Cavity
  • Fragmentation
During "penetration," normal bullets will damage only tissues they come in direct contact with, forming a "temporary cavity," as soft tissue such as blood vessles, bowel, heart, lung, muscle and nerve is propelled radially outward from the wound track. Of course, if the bullet passes through non-elastic soft tissue such as kidney, liver, pancreas or spleen, such tissues will often tear, split and/or rupture. Once the bullet has either passed through the body or come to rest within it, the temporary cavity will collapse, leaving in its wake the "permanent cavity." Any lead or jacket particles that fray within the body are referred to as "fragmentation."

Enter the "Black Talon" - the bullet that kills you better! Deploying six razorlike copper claws upon impact, the Black Talon shreds through soft body armor - and goes on to expand to three times its original diameter after travelling just four inches into the body. And as they continue to pass through the body, those little claws rip and tear mercilessly at both tissue and bone, severing any nearby cardiovascular structures or essential nerve bundles, then conveniently folding back to allow the bullet to clear yet another eight inches of filthy commie whore flesh - burning and searing as it goes! Shazam!

Commenting on this ammunition's effects on a hapless stray German Shephard, Gun Orgy editor Carlo Rizzo gushed, "The Black Talon evaporated both rear haunches, instantly setting the dog's head as a semi-stationary pivot point as the rest of the body repeatedly flipped in the air like some kind of exploding canine zombie Mary Lou Rhetton!" DAMN! That's GOOD STUFF!

So to summarize boys and girls - assuming you and your friends are packing Black Talons, wiping out any hypothetical invading towel-headed hordes will be a quick and easy task - and you'll be home in plenty of time for Stove TopTM stuffing and freshly butchered domestic fowl!

Be sure to check out next month's AMMO 101, when we'll be playing with the ubiquitous yet dependably fun .357 Magnum!

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