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Our Kooky Kids Korner Boy of the Month:
Name: Kip Fark
Location: Monkton, VT
Age: 8 1/2
Favorite Color: Blue
Favorite Public Servant: Charles Bronson
Weapon: Vintage WWII P08 "Ruger" (Restored)
We caught up with Kip on the southern banks of Lewis Creek River on a recent lazy April Sunday.
NRA KKK: Hi there, Kip. That's a mighty fine weapon you've got there.
Kip: Yeah. I mean thanks. I guess.
NRA KKK: Where'd you get it?
Kip: My Uncle Jimmy gave it to me for Christmas two years ago. He says it got used in a War way before I was born, and that a-cuz of this gun, a whole bunch of people are probably pushing up daisies.
NRA KKK: Well your uncle was right. Judging from the remarkably well-preserved Third Reich insignia etched just above the chamber, it's pretty safe to say that your Luger is a Mauser-manufactured 9 millimeter, probably produced in 1939. Now I know what you're thinking, Kip - "But most Nazis transitioned to the Walther P38 in 1940!" And on that point you're 1000% correct, but it certainly appears that this little honey stayed on duty - probably as some SS officer's pride and joy.
NRA KKK: Well whatever the truth is, you're a very lucky boy either way. So tell us, Kip - what's your favorite thing about this magnificent sidearm?
Kip: I like how when you shoot at stuff, it just shoots the shells out the back of it all by itself, and you don't have to stop shooting or nothing. With my other guns, you gotta take out the shells by yourself. And then it takes longer and you can't shoot so much.
NRA KKK: Ain't it the truth, Kip! You see, your Luger's unique toggle-action lock mechanism discharges spent rounds with a really neat-o combination extractor & loaded-chamber-indicator. That's what makes it so darned easy!
Kip: Yeah. I like it.
NRA KKK: So what are you and your Luger up to today, Kip?
Kip: Lookin' for squirrels.
NRA KKK: Have you seen any so far?
Kip: Yeah. I blew away some back there. I saw this one in this tree, and so I shot at it, and the bullet went right through the middle and out the back and got this other one in the head, because he was like right behind that one - like kind of on its back.
NRA KKK: It sounds as if those squirrels might have been dancing the horizontal mambo, Kip!
NRA KKK: You know - they were probably trying to make little squirrels. "Fucking," as it were.
Kip: I don't know. But there was guts all over the place - like not just on the ground where they fell, but guts was hanging from the branches too. I bet there'll be lots of flies on those guts tomorrow. I'm gonna go back and see.
NRA KKK: You know, Kip - you can make a handsome holster out of squirrel pelts. Are you planning to skin the two you slaughtered?
Kip: Nah. I already gots three holsters. My uncle say he's gonna get me one of them boot ones too, so I can hide another gun down there, where I got my knife now.
NRA KKK: That's great! So, aside from squirrels, do you do any other hunting?
Kip: Yeah. Lots. Mostly deers.
NRA KKK: Did you bag yourself a deer this season?
Kip: Nah. Well, kinda. Me and my dad was hunting, and he shot this little doe by mistake. It was too small to keep, and he didn't want to have to pay a fine or nothing, so we threw it in the creek at the bottom of the ravine. Then dad said I could shoot at it some, so I just kept shooting at it lying there in the creek until its head all like fell apart, and then the water turned all red and stuff. That was cool.
NRA KKK: Sure sounds like it! Tell us, Kip - what would you like to be when you grow up?
Kip: A prison guard!
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