Instant Bureaucracy (@ chickenhead.com)

Friends, are you tired of the free-wheeling, undisciplined chaos of the non-corporate world around you? Do the people in your life demonstrate unfortunate leanings towards such scourges as informality, spontaneity, and original thought? Luckily for you, these detestable traits (and more) can be easily brought to their knees. Simply distribute INSTANT BUREAUCRACY forms to your friends, neighbors, and family members, and you too can experience the power and mindless serenity of a ladder-climbing automaton!

	Use of Instant Bureaucracy indicates acceptance of the simple terms and conditions below:
	* TERMS AND CONDITIONS * Instant Bureaucracy makes available a variety of products and services (collectively, the "Products and Services") which, when used properly, are capable of elevating your significance during everyday interaction with other human beings in your otherwise miserable personal, familial, and professional lives. Use of the Products and Services are subject to these General Terms and Conditions ("Terms and Conditions"). In addition, there may or may not be a variety of special products and services offered through Instant Bureaucracy that may or may not have separate registration procedures and separate terms and conditions, terms of service, user agreements, or similar legal agreement. When you are using any service or product on Instant Bureaucracy that does not have a separate legal agreement, the Terms and Conditions set forth here will apply. Instant Bureaucracy also may supplement the Terms and Conditions with posted guidelines or rules applicable to specific areas of Instant Bureaucracy. In addition, Instant Bureaucracy also may offer other services from time to time that are governed by the terms of service of the respective service partners, such as the Department of Motor Vehicles. Because the Terms and Conditions contain legal obligations, please read them carefully. Please direct any legal questions to: General Counsel, Instant Bureaucracy, 15 Credibility Street, New York, NY 00666. The Terms and Conditions contain a variety of provisions that are generally applicable to the Products and Services and some provisions that apply to particular Products and Services. You agree to be bound by each and every provision, so Help You God, you spineless, pathetic jellyfish. 1. ACCEPTANCE: By using the Products and Services, you are agree, without limitation or qualification, to be bound by, and to comply with, these Terms and Conditions and any other posted guidelines or rules applicable to any Instant Bureaucracy Product or Service. All such guidelines and rules are hereby incorporated by reference into the Terms and Conditions. CONDITIONS AND RESTRICTIONS ON USE: Use of the Products and Services is subject to compliance with these Terms and Conditions. You acknowledge and agree that Instant Bureaucracy may terminate your access to the Products and Services should you fail to comply with the Terms and Conditions or any other guidelines and rules published by Instant Bureaucracy. Any such termination shall be in Instant Bureaucracy's sole discretion and may occur without prior notice, or any notice. Instant Bureaucracy further reserves the right to terminate any user's access to the Products and Services for any conduct that Instant Bureaucracy, in its sole discretion, believes is or may be directly or indirectly harmful to other users, to Instant Bureaucracy or its subsidiaries, affiliates, or business contractors, or to other third parties, or for any conduct that violates any local, state, federal, or foreign laws or regulations. Examples of such conduct include rigorous fisting, swirl-corning, and or geosynchronous colonic schvitzing. Furthermore, Instant Bureaucracy also reserves the right to terminate any user's access to the Products and Services for any reason or for no reason at all, if only to amuse ourselves by distressing you, in Instant Bureaucracy's sole discretion, without prior notice, or any notice. Inquiries relating to the aforementioned termination will be met with passive aggressive filibustering. In order to use the Products and Services, users must have access to the World Wide Web and must navigate the Internet to Instant Bureaucracy. Be aware that the majority of Instant Bureaucracy is for debauched audiences, although there are certain areas on Instant Bureaucracy that contain saccharine or conservative content and different areas where content is specifically created for children under 13 years of age. Where there is mature or adult content, individuals who are less than 18 years of age or are not permitted to access such content under the laws of any applicable jurisdiction may not access such content. Too bad you didn't read this far back on August 30th. Russell Morrison (from Canoga Park, California) did, and we sent him $10 in cold, hard cash for e-mailing us the secret phrase "Jake is a chunky tweed troll." You should be so lucky, maggot. Instant Bureaucracy does not discriminate on the basis of age, gender, race, ethnicity, nationality, religion, sexual orientation, or any other protected status, unless, of course, you are a 68 year old blind, Catholic, Puerto Rican lezbo, in which case your unfair treatment is a foregone conclusion.

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