I am writing today to ...... voice express shriek whine blubber pontificate puke forth my utter ...... OUTRAGE OFFENSE NARCISSISM CROCODILE TEARS PISS-IGNORANT FURY over the fact that dared to ...... utter write read allude to momentarily think the dreaded " ...... A-Word B-Word C-Word D-Word E-Word F-Word G-Word H-Word I-Word J-Word K-Word L-Word M-Word N-Word O-Word P-Word Q-Word R-Word S-Word T-Word U-Word V-Word W-Word X-Word Y-Word Z-Word ".

You see, I am inordinately proud of my ...... skin color ethnicity birth place gender sexuality religion – and why shouldn't I be? It took incredible skill and hard work on my part to ...... be conceived possess chromosomes undergo mitosis slither out of a vagina occupy physical space surrender to primal superstition – not to mention all the determination it took me to master ...... breathing blinking sneezing growing toenails extruding poopy . That's why pride in my ...... skin color ethnicity birth place gender sexuality religion constitutes my entire one-dimensional identity – and for that I deserve automatic and constant ...... respect flattery pity validation exemption from life's annoyances .

Now, I'm a supporter of free speech and all, but when it isn't gushingly positive about ...... me people related to me people superficially similar to me people to whom I condescend for cheap political points, , then it's time for ...... knee-jerk boycotts riots draconian censorship mass media crucifixion legitimizing it with attention me to seek publicity !

Furthermore, as a ...... member founder vocal pawn lobbyist fabulously compensated fundraiser of the esteemed ...... Neighborhood Regional National International Transdimentional ...... Coalition Society Association Coven of the ...... Identically Pigmented Ancestrally Fixated Genitally Homogenous Blissfully Provincial Similarly Horny One-And-Only True God , it is my ...... duty pleasure meal ticket to remind you that only WE are allowed to use the ...... A-Word B-Word C-Word D-Word E-Word F-Word G-Word H-Word I-Word J-Word K-Word L-Word M-Word N-Word O-Word P-Word Q-Word R-Word S-Word T-Word U-Word V-Word W-Word X-Word Y-Word Z-Word , as a proud expression of our ...... empowerment resilience hypocrisy double standards ironic self-loathing subconscious subjugation !

You know, growing up ...... white black brown yellow red multiracial straight gay bi male female Christian Jewish Muslim Hindu Buddhist Wiccan Rastafarian Jedi in my ...... impoverished exclusive homogenous diverse overly tolerant clothing optional   ...... gated community ghetto country club xenophobic backwater hippie commune mainstream religious cult , it didn't take long to realize that the problem with today's world is that people who are different from me are too criminally self-absorbed to fixate entirely on MY ...... life feelings annoying habits dead relatives YouTube masterpiece visceral dislike of them .

And that's why when used the ...... A-Word B-Word C-Word D-Word E-Word F-Word G-Word H-Word I-Word J-Word K-Word L-Word M-Word N-Word O-Word P-Word Q-Word R-Word S-Word T-Word U-Word V-Word W-Word X-Word Y-Word Z-Word , I felt I'd been personally ...... punched smacked drawn & quartered appointed judge & jury , and as such hereby formally demand ...... their dismissal their public flogging monetary reparations a book deal a guest appearance on The View .

Yours ...... Truly Sincerely Self-Righteously Ultra-Dogmatically in Perpetually Victimized Dread

PS: I won't be surprised if you ignore me. That's just the kind of treatment I'd expect from a typical ...... dumb lazy uppity snotty sneaky dirty greedy drunken perverted   ...... beaner chink coon cracker cripple cunt dago dothead dyke faggot flipper foreigner frog fudge packer gook goy greaseball hebe injun jesus freak jigaboo jungle bunny kike kraut limey macaca mammy mick nigger oreo cookie pink-eye raghead redneck redbutt retard rug muncher sambo spic spook squaw wetback white trash wigger like YOU!